Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Whisperer!

Your not Happy…Im not happy I know you must not remind me … Your pretending yes im pretending but can we keep it between us two…. Ok now am just being silly . I cant actually be talking to the wind? It looks like she is finally loosing it. Cause there’s no way she can be talking to the wind I tell myself then I hear a cruel loud laughter from no where then my heart skipped a bit… what is happening to me am I going crazy?
Then for a Millisecond I thought what if all this is real those this mean I am supernatural?
Then I closed my eyes and wished all this terrifying voice would just let me be and go away. I turned to look at the people around me they were all laughing to something funny my friend was telling us. I smiled so It wouldn’t sound like I didn’t get joke which I really didn’t get? Then again the voice came louder and louder near me I was panicking . I excused myself politely from the crowd then I sat down at the bench facing the school basketball court looking at the tall Asian guys play their game. I watched how happy they were playing the game. Then it happened again I felt the silence deep inside and something echoing behind me only this time around I didn’t get a word out of the mysterious voice. it sounded like a child babbling words . Then I stood up to look at my back I still couldn’t find that mysterious thing whispering in my ears. I called my mum to talk to her about it but just when I was about to explain my experience the line went off . I got butterflies in my stomach started sweating and was breathing heavily .My heart was basically in my mouth! No one could see the fear in my eyes. I tried to shout but I could only do that mentally not physically so I ran to a secluded area and tried crying but the tears couldn’t slip out. Then again the voice came out this time around loud and clear . Though your blind I see that your not deaf I get what your going through I don’t have answers but I understand it. They wont see it even if you blurt it out to them. Then the tears started dripping down my cheeks I had no energy to run anymore the only option I had left was to face that mysterious voice whispering into my ears. I opened my lips and asked with my shaky voice what are you? It was silent
Why me? You need a new beginning …Leave me alone Don’t you want someone that understands you NO. I beg of you leave me in peace then get ready to face reality then for some minutes the place was quite ordinarily I should have felt relieved but the only thing I felt was my heart beating fast and me needing air to breath. I was suffocating seriously but no one was there to lend an helping hand. I managed to regain a little energy then I ran walked straight into a friend . I held his hand tightly and didn’t say a word all I wanted was just some physical contact with the real world to know to confirm I wasn’t dreaming! `
O did the wind just talk to me? I’m still looking for possible excuses to explain what just happened to me. In a state of confusion right now.
To be continued

Thursday, February 18, 2010

A reply to ma X

The reason behind this post was cause I received a disturbing text from my Ex boyfriend today and I just had to rant this out. Well to sum up the whole story he sent me a message saying he was sorry blah blah and he wanted us to come back well if it were three months back I would willing say YES there’s no doubt about that but right now it was just the perfect timing. So I decided to give him royal treatment by replying his sweet message in a perfect way. Where else would be perfect if not on my blog?
I cant believe the stupid things people do when they get heart broken . I actually did some stupid stuffs too but they all lead me to the right part. I was so heart broken and was looking for answers to why it all happened that way . While on the quest of searching for answer I came across this site which said 10 rules to get your Ex back…Boy was I stupid to think I really wanted you back . And now reading through the rules today I just realized I broke most of the rules and by that I guess it made me stronger Thank God for that!
So what are these rules?
1. Resist blaming your ex boyfriend.
I so did not resist that in fact I blamed him for the most stupid things. I had sleepless nights sulking over him. For Christ sake who else am I to blame if not you. Yes I know all my friends thought it was immature of me to blame him for all that happened but then blaming him made me feel better in a selfish way and then I got fond of blaming him till I really believed it was all his fault not mine and I was a lot better without him!
2.Don't just shower him with love to get him back.
Well unfortunately I did the opposite. I called him up like 12 times a day. I even allowed a friend convince me to call and tell him I wanted us back together and I missed him. Cause at that point I really did and yes he did what any normal guy would do he replied in a cold hearted manner. Then again it hit me hard that mehn this dude really isn’t into you no more but love makes you do stupid things so I just didn’t give up that easily!
3. Desperation kills attraction.
You can tell me that again well this rule I like I did break this rule I wish I had abided but unfortunately I didn’t. I left him zillions of voice mails and even posted a picture of me and a sexy dude on facebook just to make him jealous.. Did it work.? Yes it did but well at the end it was too late for that!
4. Don't stalk or bug his friends and family.
Well you obviously know that rule didn’t apply I called his elder sister and his best buddies a thousand times and like normal family and friends would do they kept assuring me or deceiving me that it was just a phase and everything would be alright ..well to think about everything is ALRIGHT!
5. Analysis what went wrong in the relationship.
Well I did and nothing went wrong cause as matter of fact it was meant to be … And I’m just great full it happened the way it did!
6.Bring back the best qualities about him
All I needed was to remember the reason we are not more together and would never be . He was a scumbag, cheat, Liar, Promise breaker and flirty masculine ho! To think of it he wasn’t that much of a smooth criminal cause he didn’t get away with everything.
7. Jot down in a notepad all the pros and cons of your relationship.
Well I didn’t have the energy and time for that !
8. Understand this won't be forever.
I actually thought the pain would last forever. Now I can say thumbs up 2 that rule yeah I’m pain free.
9. Don't put your life on hold for him.
Well I did .. I couldn’t concentrate and I almost made the most important mistake of my life but thank God I have a mother that wont let that happen!
10. Do some improving.
That rule I love cause I have done a lot of improving!
Now my reply to that message would be this
Dear X
Well its been a while since we broke up! Yes i wont deny the fact that you made me stronger by breaking my heart.There’s nothing wrong in you thinking I’m not over you so you can go ahead like Regine Velasquez said there’s nothing wrong in make believe so you can believe whatever you want to. I have you to thank again cause right now this heart is a stone; no one else will break it! I have got an offer for you though.
You could be my BAD BOY but then again I would have to warn you on that cause i would push you aside after some time. Unfortuantely thats the best i can offer. So watcha say?
Karma is such a bitch right? Alright gtg .... now dancing to I don’t need a man by PCD!!!!!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Stuffs im seriously into Right now

Well i know its been ages since i last blurted out anything concerning my life.
I assure you that there's a perfect explanation for that but that would be for another post!
I am on a break right now. The Chinese New year break. If you know Malaysia very well you would know that its a country that has public holidays like twice in every month which is like a huge advantage for me. Well as of these moment im taking a break out from the stuffs i love doing to report the stuffs that have actually occupied my time w to write a new post even though i've got plenty of drafts that needs to be posted out!
Actually this week was madness that's all i can say about this week.. it was the complete opposite of last week.. Last week i had too many tests and assignment to sum it up i was clouded with course work and all sorts But this week is a stress free week :) ...

. 90210( Series): i finally got the strength to watch season 3 up to episode 12 yay! me..but seriously i think silver fits better with ted...And Navid should seriously forget bout that silly Adriana cos shes such a bitch and i actually sulked when Dixon and his foster mum reconciled. Well the season started out sad but at the end off part twelve they finally saw the devil in Jen!

. Castle (Series) : i just love the whole idea i just started watching it but all i want to see is castle and detective Kate Beckett get make out!i know there's a chemistry somewhere lmao!

. Royal Pain (series) : well i just started watching this yesterday but im already @ the tenth episode i actually love it just course it makes medicine look sexy! reminds me of mc steamy in Grey's anatomy!

. Valentines day (Movie) : speaking of MC STEAMY...that movie wasn't up to my expectation cause it had all the very good Hollywood actors and Taylor Swift was in it.! The part i loved so much was the part were Queen Latifa was having her phone sex convo and then she blurted out KNEEL DOWN TO IZINGA! I just couldn't hold myself in the cinema i Laughed really hard! Well its a good movie to watch when your down! Just didn't get the whole Jessica Alba part??

. Cooked ( Some thing i don't usually do) : Spaghetti Marsala and it turned out nice :)
. 14th February ( The day) : yea every freaking girl or dude i knew acted like that was the only day allowed to show love to their partner ..i mean guys chill its just a silly day and love is an everyday affair..Unfortunately the ones that had high expectation on that day were lead down one way or another. But as for me i didn't expect anything but at the end i had mad fun. Went for a friends party and had a blast! Then i ended up talking with 0 for like 42 minutes and had hot Milo and slept for Good twelve hours!!
Too bad now i have chronic bad ache

Thursday, October 22, 2009

What has Hardened our hearts?

I write this note with deep thoughts
It came to my mind after i was in the clinic waiting to be attended my eyes met a beautiful little girl she kept staring into my eyes with her beautiful large brown eyes. she held a lolly pop : so i smiled at her and then she walked right towards me; used her teeth to break the candy into two and then gave me the half part of the candy i was amazed by her behavior. Then i asked her name then she smiled and ran back to the lady she was with!. I couldn't help but think what has hardened our hearts? why is there so much hatred ? why cant we be just like the little care free child who wouldn't mind sharing something as little as a candy? Yet the answers seemed so difficult!
Being an adult we think hiding the bruises we hold in our hearts is a remedy but that only makes it hard to see behind that mask and then we bear a burden of a secret stone.... but its not like that a child cries when sad and smiles when happy ..we don't have to prove were always happy. All i'm saying is sometimes under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. so cry if u have too but just know 1 thing i wont mind you crying on my shoulder .

Monday, September 14, 2009


Every disappointment Na Correct blessing o my people!
Our past is one to write about..We were doing alright but then you lied to me… and broke our trust your apologies are some that I’m not sure if I’m going to accept this time…
We don’t need a reason to be sad cause people that make you sad care more if you show them your sad but no I won’t be sad…for what reason should I be sad? I’ve got a great friend and a family that loves me so why should I be sad.
Nothing is ever permanent one way or the other we loose it. In my case I lost two so called “friends” at the same time and then I realized well that’s life some people make You upset and some cheer you up and as soon as one is gone another one comes .That’s how we continue the circle of life especially in terms of friendship. Interacting with people can be hard and as we grow older it becomes harder you learn words like hypocrisy, heartbreak, betrayal and enemy. But then there is a second side to a coin right? Likewise there is love, true friendship and loyalty. This is very rare nowadays. We can’t all be equal to some people the word friendship forever really exists but to some it’s just a mere joke. In life you meet people, some you never think about again, some you wonder what happened to them, there are some that you wonder if they ever think about you and then there are some you wish you never had to think about again... but you do.
But then I ask myself why do we keep making the same mistake and hardly learn from it? I guess as humans we were created with a deficiency called “weakness” and making a mistake reminds us that we are only human and are naturally meant to make much mistakes and learn from it. I mean without making a mistake in life that would just define a person as perfect and yes we all know no one is.Nowadays you can’t tell a hypocrite from a genuinely sincere person. Like they say your best friend could be your worst enemy… Mehn na now the word make sense to me o! sha in dis my small mind now there’s no room for regret the past is done and gone and I have surely learnt from my mistakes. Its time that makes you wise and the truth that makes you stronger…
So abeg beware of people that pretend to be your friend
If they act like snakes in the green grass cut that grass immediately cause when the grass is cut the snakes will show!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Whats on her mind Today?

She sits down to think? Is the problem with her or is the problem that she thinks she has a problem......

All through her thoughts are all these numerous questions but ama break it down to just ten.
1. Why is she so cautious?
Hmmh maybe its cause a lot of us, from an early age have been taught to fear men and strangers. It was mostly our parents' attempt to protect us, but a lot of times the social conditioning sticks. For a woman, the consequences of making a mistake far outweighs the consequences of letting an opportunity go by. I mean say you're a guy and you go out with a woman. What's the worst that can happen? She turns out to be ugly and you take her home. What's the worst thing that can happen to a woman? The guy can take her to some remote location and rape her. Self-defense or not, most women cannot take on a guy one-on-one. Yeah, most men aren't rapists either...but it's far better to be cautious than to make the mistake.

If you look at some psychological studies asking people what they regret most, women mostly regret DOING something, while men mostly regret NOT DOING something (ex. sleeping with person X).
Lastly, women who get approached a lot learn that most guys and most dates tend not to be worth it and it gets really dissappointing.There isn't enough time out there to waste on relationships or bad dates, and unless I feel a date will be good (i.e. there is attraction and comfort), I'd rather do something else with my time.

2. Why is she so pyshed about committments?
I don't think ANY man can really empathize with a woman the way he can empathize with another man; female sex issues are very different from the male sex issues, in that the pressures they are under (don't be a "slut", don't be "easy", don't get pregnant, etc) are so different from that of the male sex issues (don't be a pussy, take the initiative, get laid a lot, etc).

But anyway, the idea is this: women face a much greater risk of harm in dealing with the opposite sex than men do, and by age 20 or so, most women have been harmed (or at least almost been harmed) by men enough times to have a slightly paranoid default attitude toward them. The idea is, a man is a creep until proven otherwise. If you think this is harsh imagine this scenario ( That is for them guys:

1) you wake up tomorrow, and because of some freak biological accident, most women are suddenly bigger, stronger, and more sexually aggressive than men are

2) you turn on the news, and start seeing an endless stream of stories of men being raped and murdered by the newly masculinized women

3) you notice that women you aren't at all attracted to are staring at you and hollering obscene sexual innuendos at you; remember that these girls are much larger and stronger than you and you just saw ten different stories of women raping and murdering men in the news earlier today

4) let's say one day a particularly large, ugly, scary looking woman starts following you home. you try to tell people, but they think you're paranoid.

5) now assume that assumptions 1 to 4 have been true ALL YOUR LIFE

... in this scenario, do you think maybe you'd ever on the side of caution in dealing with women? well, this is the reality women deal with when it comes to men.
3. Why cant she give him another chance?
She always made the mistake of giving him a chance to explain and he always got away with it . Cause he was really good at persuading her.But she got fed up with always listening to his flamezee excuses. Even if it hurt her real bad to see them finally part ways deep inside her soul she knew it was the right to do. He had no right to treat her the way he did.And hopefully he would realise his mistake soon enough.Sometimes when we are emotionally invested in a relationship it is hard for us to let go because we feel if we hold on just a little bit longer our investment will pan out and we will hit the love gold mine. That is not true here. generally speaking that is not the way it works with men. They enjoy the hunt going after the woman they had last dated after. And i really find that amazingly silly.
4. why does she stick to old moments?
Well in those old memories lies mysteries of how and why life gets compicated. And it has been scientifically proven that old memories stick permanently in our brains. And it never lets go it just depends on how u make does memories into something positive. even though sometimes flash backs make you feel kinda weird.

5. Why does her life always seem complicated?
Complicated and simple are actually two sides of the same coin: in order to see complexity, you have to have the notion of simplicity, and vice-versa. So neither complexity NOR simplicity have any independent reality of their own.

But so what? That's not really what we humans are concerned about when this question comes up, is it? What we want to really know is "why am I confused, and how can I know what's important and what to focus on?" There's an anxiety associated with this sense that life is so complex that it's pulling us in many directions at once and we can't get "centered".Life is essentially only as complicated as we make it. We do go through rough patches, but they don't last forever.

Life is not about drama. I have friends that always have drama around them. They are exhausted and frantic most of the time.

Now during the teen years, life is complicated because you are learning how to be an adult and your hormones are going crazy. But, once again, that is a temporary thing.
We' ll thats about it! Well keep you posted when other thoughts come through this weird mind of mine.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

A beautiful Morning

I’m sure you’re wondering. What’s so special about this morning? Well yeah the sun still rose from the east and the cock still crowed cooko –rooko! But that’s all normal. This morning scents different from the other mornings. It scents better than even the scent of rain drop on dry soil. Even better than the fresh air from the ocean wave. The reason I love this morning I don’t know but one thing I know is that I just fell in love with this particular morning. It hit me yester night when the stars lost their glitter all because of that man ………That man that won you ; has run off and undone you .That great beginning has seen a final end. Don’t know what happened but I guess it’s all a crazy game. Let me just save myself the bruises. Something is just not right. Just to think about it I tried to do everything to get back but you couldn’t love me. It doesn’t matter what I want anymore. My pride won’t let me stay around waiting for you to love me back. And now I can’t hold on, so now I want to respect myself. We can’t just act like everything is going to work out by itself? But the more and more I wait for you . You tried to play me like a fool and also abused my love. I’m ready to be heartbroken cause I can’t see further on my own world of this moment. I can see a better time when all my dreams come true. Then this though crossed my mind......What do girls really want? When I took a stroll this morning I imagined meeting the right guy; and him walking along with me at the other side of the road and us just glaring at each other. I feel like everyone’s life is moving on and I’m just left behind. That old love is gone and I have since carried on. It’s a beautiful morning.